I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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