Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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