Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
