remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
