Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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