Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
