Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
