Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
