It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
