she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
