my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
