My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
