he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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