Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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