gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
