It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
