Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
