we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
