I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
