haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
