yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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