Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
