I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
