I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
