We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
