yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize