i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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