he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
