he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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