this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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