Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.