Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
