The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need moral support for this bender
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
