dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
