It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
