Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
