You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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