Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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