You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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