He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
