My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
