Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Michael Bay diarrhea
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
