My underwear smells like fireworks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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