It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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