apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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