And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
