maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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