My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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