There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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