I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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