The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old