I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
