that's an acceptable place to lick
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love accidental penises.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.