Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.