I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
