I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you