your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.