i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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