I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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