he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
