I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
