i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
