Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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