In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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