Just cropdusted the office
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
