I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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