I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
