yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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