You're completely useless in the revolution.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
