well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
