If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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